My youngest child absolutely destroys clothing. I'm not kidding. Yesterday she came home with a hole in her uniform shirt. I asked her if she did it on purpose, and she said yes without blinking.
But it's not just clothes that she's hard on. Her knees are going to have permanent scuff-marks on them before she's in middle school.
She's very much a character from a book I just finished reading. I wouldn't have believed the author if she hadn't been describing my offspring.
I was watching her and my oldest child playing in the back yard last week, and she would hit the ground with serious force and then roll over laughing. I'm beginning to think she also suffers from that disorder where one doesn't feel pain. Well, except when I'm brushing her hair.
Now I'll admit, I was a messy kid. Mom likes to say dirt would jump on me. The truth is I liked playing in the dirt. Laura likes playing in the mud.
I called her Pigpen until she became a huge fan of Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving and then Christmas specials. Then I dropped it, although, I'm not convinced she would've cared.
These days I just call her the Master of Mess.
Mom says I'm speaking it on her. Mom's a big believer in the power of speech to influence outcomes. I keep telling Mom to repeat "Debut Novel will be a bestseller." (Maybe I should tell her to add "this year.")
So I switched tack and started telling Laura to be neater than she could possibly be. I told her that was her one goal. So far it's not working.
I remembered one of my brother's girlfriends saying she wore toughskins as a child. I also remembered my uncle saying my aunt, his little sister, wore her shoes from the insides out. (She ran around barefoot a lot.)
Both of these women are extremely clean and well-adjusted members of society now. We live in hope.
A dear friend of mine claims Laura is going to grow up and be an artist because she's very interested in touching things and feeling textures. I think that's a very positive spin to put on the situation.
I suppose when she grows up and becomes a famous artist, she can write a book about her insensitive mother and how I attempted to supress her budding artistic talents.
I declare it to be a bestseller.